What is a Submissive Wife?
Have you ever wondered what it truly means to be a submissive wife in Christian marriage? This often misunderstood concept has sparked countless debates and discussions within religious communities. Understanding the true meaning of submission in marriage is crucial for couples seeking to align their relationships with God’s design and foster deeper, more fulfilling connections.
In this article, you’ll explore the spiritual psychology behind submission in the masculine-feminine dance and the reasons. We’ll delve into the biblical definition of submission in marriage and examine the characteristics of a submissive wife. You’ll also learn about common misconceptions surrounding this topic and gain insights into how to be a biblically submissive wife without compromising your feminine strength. By the end, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what it means to be submissive to your husband in a way that honors both your relationship and your faith.
The Psychology of Submission in the Masculine Feminine Relationship
The True Masculine and Feminine
In the divine dance of marriage, you’ll find that the true masculine and feminine types complement each other beautifully. The masculine type is often associated with strength, protection, and the ability to overcome challenges. On the other hand, the feminine type embodies nurturing, tenderness, and the capacity to create a warm, loving environment [1]. This balance reflects God’s design, as both man and woman were created in His image, encompassing both masculine and feminine attributes.
When these “types” are in balance, true intimacy forms. There is nothing more endearing and compelling to the healthy feminine than to be pursued and led by the healthy masculine. There is nothing more intoxicating to the healthy masculine than to be received and embraced by the healthy feminine. This dynamic creates a partnership where both individuals bring their unique qualities to the table, fostering a deep sense of intimacy and connection.
The Toxic Masculine and Feminine
However, when wounds and past hurts enter the picture, the masculine and feminine can fall out of balance. Toxic masculinity may manifest as domination, control, or abuse, often rooted in deep-seated insecurities, seperation anxiety, and a fear of losing control. Similarly, wounded femininity can become cold, controlling, or relentless in an attempt to protect itself from perceived threats.
This dynamic can even lead to men and women hating the masculinity or femininity in themselves or others. It can lead to women despising weakness in themselves and trying to take on all the characteristics of the masculine to protect themselves. It can lead to men fearing their masculinity, becoming passive and inept in their ability to lead their wives. This contributes to the lack of safety and trust a wife might feel and facilitates a defensive feminine response, feeding the cycle of conflict and hurt in the relationship.
These toxic expressions can lead to a cycle of mistrust and resentment, creating barriers to true intimacy. It’s crucial to recognize these patterns and work towards healing and restoration.
The Environment the True Feminine Needs for Submission
For the true feminine to flourish and embrace submission, a safe and nurturing environment is essential. This doesn’t mean blind obedience or suppression of one’s own desires. Instead, it’s about creating a space where both partners can thrive in their roles.
A submissive wife in a healthy Christian marriage chooses to allow her partner to take the lead, recognizing his strengths and abilities as a man to pierce through difficulties and overcome challenges, to protect her as a woman and to pursue her as a lover. This submission is conditional, based on mutual respect and understanding. It’s not about relinquishing power but sharing it, creating a partnership where both individuals contribute their unique strengths.
Remember, submission in marriage is grounded in both spouses’ willingness to defer to each other in love, as well as to other Christian friends in their church [2]. This mutual submission creates an atmosphere of trust, respect, and shared purpose, allowing the true masculine and feminine to dance in harmony as God intended.
Biblical Definition of Submission in Marriage
Ephesians 5:22-33
When you explore the biblical definition of submission in marriage, you’ll find that Ephesians 5:22-33 serves as a cornerstone passage. This text calls wives to “submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” [3]. It’s crucial to understand that this submission is specifically directed towards one’s own husband, not all men in general [3]. The passage emphasizes that husbands are to love their wives sacrificially, mirroring Christ’s love for the church [4].
Mutual Submission
While some interpret Ephesians 5:21 as a call for mutual submission between spouses, it’s essential to examine the context carefully. The Greek word “hupotasso” used for submission always indicates authority and submission in the New Testament [5]. This doesn’t mean subservience or denial of a woman’s rights [6]. Instead, it suggests a voluntary, continuous submission that’s unwilling to argue [6].
Christ and the Church Analogy
Paul draws a powerful analogy between the marriage relationship and Christ’s relationship with the church. Just as Christ loves and gave Himself for the church, husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially [6]. This analogy elevates the concept of submission beyond mere obedience, presenting it as a reflection of the divine relationship between Christ and His bride, the church [7].
Remember, submission in marriage doesn’t negate equality. Wives are equal and often superior to their husbands in various aspects [6]. The goal is to create a harmonious relationship where both spouses honor and support each other, reflecting the beautiful dance of true masculine and feminine energies in balance. For the woman to be healthy in her submission, she needs 2 have a safe loving supportive husband.
Characteristics of a Submissive Wife
Respecting her husband’s leadership
As a submissive wife in a Christian marriage, you’re called to respect your husband’s leadership. This doesn’t mean blind obedience, but rather an intelligent, happy, and wise support for his initiatives [8]. You’re encouraged to love it when he leads, but this leadership isn’t about unilateral decisions. Instead, it involves him taking the initiative to solve problems together, valuing your input as a fellow heir of God’s grace [8].
Supporting her husband
Supporting your husband goes beyond mere agreement. It means actively participating in his vision for your family life. This could involve practical tasks like inviting people over, coordinating events, or maintaining your home [9]. However, submission also means aligning with his preferences, even if they differ from yours. For instance, if he prefers a quieter home life, you might need to adjust your hospitality plans accordingly [9].
Offering wisdom and counsel
In balance, the healthy feminine calls out and inspires all of the potential in the healthy masculine, just as the man also does for his wife. But this means that as a woman you have this God given ability to shape and mold your husband’s life.
Tim Keller wrote a book on marriage based on the premise that marriage is not about making people happy but about making people Holy. There is this true sense in which the marriage relationship is a place where husband and wife can sharpen each other and help each other prepare for life with God.
In this context, being a submissive wife comes with this tremendous power to nurture the best in your husband.
In all these aspects, your submission is rooted in your ultimate submission and obedience to God [9]. It’s not about suppressing your gifts, but fully expressing them in support of your husband and your marriage [11].
Common Misconceptions About Submission
Submission is not subservience
When you think about submission in marriage, it’s crucial to understand that it doesn’t mean blind obedience or subservience. Submission is more about a partnership where both spouses honor and support each other [12]. It’s not about following your spouse off a cliff or unquestioningly supporting every decision [12]. Instead, submission involves an intelligent, happy, and wise support for your husband’s initiatives [13].
Submission does not mean agreeing with everything
You might think that being submissive means always agreeing with your husband, but that’s not the case. Submission doesn’t require you to leave your brain at the altar or stop thinking for yourself [14]. You’re encouraged to have your own opinions and ideas, even if they differ from your husband’s [15]. This can lead to beneficial and edifying conversations in your marriage [15].
Submission is not about inferiority
One of the most common misconceptions is that submission implies inferiority. However, submission doesn’t mean that those under authority are less valuable [13]. In fact, wives are equal and often superior to their husbands in various aspects [6]. Submission is about fostering a culture of unity, not defining authority positions [12]. It’s a reflection of the church’s relationship with Christ, where the church yields to Jesus through a loving and trusting act of submission [15].
Remember, submission is a Christian concept that applies to all believers, not just wives [12]. It’s about cultivating an attitude of mutuality and teamwork in your marriage, reflecting the beautiful dance of true masculine and feminine energies in balance.
Conclusion
The biblical concept of submission in Christian marriage is often misunderstood, but it’s rooted in a beautiful dance between the masculine and feminine. This dynamic reflects God’s own nature, encompassing both masculine and feminine attributes. When both partners embrace their roles with love and respect, it creates a harmonious relationship that mirrors Christ’s love for the church. The key is to foster an environment of mutual support, where the wife’s submission is met with the husband’s sacrificial love.
Understanding submission in this light can transform marriages, allowing both spouses to thrive in their unique roles. It’s not about one partner dominating the other, but about creating a partnership where both individuals contribute their strengths. If you’re struggling with toxic conflict or abusive interactions in your marriage, remember that there’s hope. Growth and Change Counseling is here to support you and your spouse in developing the relational intelligence needed to heal and restore the balance to your relationship. To wrap up, embracing true submission in Christian marriage can lead to a deeper, more fulfilling connection that honors both your relationship and your faith.
FAQs
What is the biblical definition of a submissive wife?
In Christian marriage, a submissive wife is one who supports and respects her husband’s leadership. She collaborates with her spouse, expressing her thoughts and opinions freely, trusting that her husband will respond with love and act in her best interests.
How should a submissive wife behave according to Christian values?
A submissive wife respects her husband’s perspectives and shares her opinions humbly. She avoids undermining him, particularly in public, and trusts his decisions as a leader while feeling empowered to express her own views.
What does the Bible instruct about a wife’s submission?
The Bible, particularly in the New Testament, associates the concept of submission with authority (e.g., Titus 2:9; 1 Peter 2:18). Ephesians 5:24 emphasizes that as the church submits to Christ, wives should also submit to their husbands in all aspects.
How can one be a good Christian submissive wife?
To be a good submissive wife in a Christian marriage, a woman can engage in several practices: acting as a peacemaker, allowing her husband to provide, maintaining the household, being receptive to her husband’s sexual desires, listening attentively without interruptions, and involving her husband in financial decisions. It’s also important that the wife supports her husband’s decisions, especially if he is striving to follow God’s will, but she should also be prepared to act righteously if her husband deviates from this path.
What are some practical examples of being a submissive wife in a Christian marriage?
Practical examples include being the peacemaker in conflicts, letting the husband provide for the family, managing household affairs efficiently, being open to discussing sexual needs and desires, listening actively to the husband, and including him in making financial decisions. These actions demonstrate respect and support for the husband’s role within the marriage, while also ensuring that the wife’s voice is heard and valued.
References
[1] – https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/embracing-submission-personal-journey-towards-balance-donna-savage
[2] – https://www.dwellcc.org/essays/men-women-and-gender-roles-marriage
[3] – https://www.bibleref.com/Ephesians/5/Ephesians-5-22.html
[4] – https://westpalmbeachchurchofchrist.com/new-testament/ephesians-new-testament/walking-worthy-in-marriage.html
[5] – https://cbmw.org/2019/08/21/does-ephesians-521-teach-mutual-submission/
[6] – https://nativemarriage.com/marital/bible-studies/the_marital_analogy_of_christ_and_his_church/
[7] – https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/a-metaphor-of-christ-and-the-church
[8] – https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/what-will-submission-to-my-husband-look-like
[9] – https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/submission-is-a-wonderful-weapon
[11] – https://www.modernreformation.org/resources/articles/the-submissive-wife
[12] – https://www.amycalkins.com/blog/reconsidering-marital-submission
[13] – https://thetransformedwife.com/those-in-authority-are-more-valued/
[14] – https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/what-is-submission-in-marriage
[15] – https://www.daughterofdelight.com/podcast-episodes/biblical-submission