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The 17 myths of Porn Addiction



My husband has a porn addiction
Porn addict

The Internet has enabled pornography to become so widespread and accessible that its use is considered to be normal. What people don’t realize is how porn affects the brain and how fast it leads from a “guilty pleasure” to a compulsive behavior. The nature of addiction allows a person to deny any negative consequences it has and conjure up all sorts of justifications for their behavior. In this article, we will take a look at 17 common myths that normalize and defend porn consumption.


1. Its ok because everyone does it (boys will be boys mentality)

We learn what we are taught, and society has sought to normalize pornography, but it is not healthy. The fact that people choose to do something does not mean that they should do it. It is fundamentally destructive to all relationships. Many things have been “normalized” by society that are toxic to human wellbeing. In the 1950s, smoking was considered normal, socially acceptable and even healthy! If you didn’t smoke (at least socially), you were in the minority. It wasn’t until years later that the true consequences of smoking were documented and made public - just because something is common and considered normal, doesn’t mean it’s healthy or harmless. The same goes for porn; how many times have you heard someone excuse it by saying ‘boys will be boys’ or ‘everyone does it’? The truth is giving developing children access to pornography is child abuse. It will severely impair their emotional and relational acuity and damage their relationships well into adulthood. The negative consequences of watching porn are extensive, as we will discuss further in this article.


2. It doesn’t affect my marriage or my intimacy

Porn is considered a ‘supernormal stimulus’: which increases the level of stimulation the brain needs in order to achieve the same level of arousal over time. The result is that the porn addict’s body develops “tolerance.” Normal sex becomes less interesting in comparison to the arousal achieved through pornography and leads to couples having far less sex. Eventually pornography users will find it more and more difficult to achieve climax and it can cause erectile and tactile dysfunction. It’s no surprise therefore, that porn diminishes a couple’s sexual satisfaction. Women who find their husbands masturbating to the sight of other women will feel betrayed and humiliated, and in some cases, pornography use leads to affairs including paying for sex. Therefore bringing porn into the relationship will affect the health of a couple’s sex life and can lead to infidelity. It can have a significant effect on a couple’s marriage, relationship satisfaction and overall intimacy, and in some cases lead to separation.


3. If my partner gave me more sex, I wouldn’t look at porn

There is no amount of sex that your partner can give you that will satiate your desire for pornography. That’s because porn is addictive and creates a biochemical dependency – with an ever increasing need to watch increasingly different, unusual, or kinky content. Sex is no longer about connection but will merely be a way to satisfy the addiction craving, blocking your ability to have any real emotional and physical intimacy with your partner. You might even think that you have great sex with your partner, but if your honest, you will realize it does not satisfy you as it should, that you are still looking at porn, and that you expect and desire experiences in sex from your partner that your partner is incapable of delivering and if they did, would be dehumanizing.



4. Porn is good for a relationship if the couple looks at it together

If you are doing porn in the bedroom together, get it out of your bedroom and out of your life. It creates barriers to physical and emotional intimacy with each other. If you had true emotional and physical intimacy with each other, you would never have brought porn into the bedroom. But having it there will only pull you further apart, it never brings you together. It’s important to remember that porn is staged, rehearsed and exaggerated – it does not represent sex in normal life. This can make both men and women feel inadequate and self-conscious about their bodies, abilities and sex drive. Despite some claims that watching porn together can ‘spice up a couple’s sex life’, evidence shows it actually kills the love, respect and satisfaction between two people in a relationship. If you want to experience the full potential of emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship, get rid of the porn and reach out to us for help.


5. It doesn’t hurt anybody

Research has found that around 88% of pornographic content features aggression and/or violence towards women. Therefore, porn normalizes misogyny and disregard for women and leads to higher rates of violence and general aggression towards women, which damages the bond between people. Even more disturbing is the fact that the porn industry enables child abuse. Children and young girls and boys are coerced into performing sexual acts in front of a camera for millions to see. But it’s not only women and children that get hurt by porn; it can destroy your relationships, family, career as well as your physical, spiritual and emotional health.

6. It’s a good way to get turned on for sex with my partner


If you find yourself needing to watch porn to get turned on in order to have sex with your partner, there’s a problem. It’s possible that your brain has become accustomed to a certain amount of arousal that can only be achieved through watching, serial sexual relationships, or kinky paid fantasies. Priming your brain with pornographic images before sex objectifies your partner, and strips the sexual experience of emotional connection and meaning. It can also lead to the development of unrealistic expectations of sexual intercourse and potentially violent or aggressive behavior. It can cause damage to your erectile functionality and ability to climax. Watching porn is not a good way to get turned on for sex with your partner, it’s a good way to destroy your entire relationship.


7. I only look at soft porn so I am safe

Regular consumption of porn generates tolerance: becoming used to the same sexual stimulation over time and needing an increased level of stimulation in order to get the same level of arousal. That means, watching soft porn will eventually lead to watching more and more unusual, different, or kinky content in order to feel aroused and satisfy the need.


8. Marriage or a committed relationship will cure my porn addiction

It is indeed the case that loneliness and isolation are linked to addiction and that having a strong support network and healthy relationships will help to overcome it. However, entering into marriage or a committed relationship when you are experiencing a porn addiction will not cure it. You need to do the hard work of facing your porn addiction so that it does not poison your marriage. The addiction will find its way into your relationship and will cause suffering for your partner as well as you. It’s best to seek professional help in order to deal with the porn addiction; address underlying issues and learn healthy habits and boundaries – this will enable you to build a healthy foundation for your marriage !


9. I am not an addict, I can stop anytime on my own


You think you can stop what you are doing until you try denying yourself pornography for a prolonged period of time (at least 6 months). When you are engaging in pornography, you are feeding your body that which it craves. Try denying your body that which it craves and see how you do! The idea that you can stop any time you want is known as Denial. It is the most difficult part of addiction to overcome. If you can’t admit you have a problem, you will never be able to change. The reason you have an addiction is that watching porn creates tolerance. What you watched when you 14 years old is very different from what you watch at 20 or 30 years old. The behavior quickly develops into a habit and a compulsion and you need something new, unusual, different, or kinky in order to maintain the sexual high from looking at porn. Here are some signs to look for in a porn addiction: craving porn, preoccupation with nude images which can also interfere with your daily functioning, changes in mood, repeatedly failing to stop looking at porn despite several attempts and despite negative consequences to your life and relationships. If you are concerned about you or your partner’s porn consumption, there is help available and you are not alone.


10. I am so addicted to porn, I will never be free of it

Addiction to porn, like other addictions, is treatable. Addiction develops from a bio-chemical addiction due to exposure to pornography (frequently in childhood) and trauma (often sexual) that alters your view of self and of sexuality. The release of endorphins and dopamine in the brain is so strong when watching porn that the body’s own natural production of these chemicals decreases significantly. Your will to choose is broken and needs to be restored. Through effective therapy and immersing yourself in a supportive community, you will be able to recover from your porn addiction and experience healthy relationships and intimacy. I am a walking, living testimony that complete recovery and healing is possible. There is hope! Reach out to us today!


11. Myth of Perfection

The camera always lies. It objectifies, dehumanizes women and presents an inauthentic view of sex and intimacy is all about. Pornography does not show men and women as people with a soul, it shows them as an object to use and discard. This is the difference between lust and love. Lust takes for itself with no regard for the person it takes from. Love gives for the betterment of another person. Images of porn sell an idea about what perfect sex looks like. In truth, it can never satisfy your needs for beauty, intimacy, and connection, which is why your desire for it becomes insatiable. The men and women in pornography might look tantalizing, but that’s only because in your addiction, you have never been able to experience what authentic sex in an exclusive relationship where neither person is addicted can be like. If you are in a relationship with a porn addict, you need to know that you are not inadequate in any way. Your partner will never be able to be satisfied by porn in the ways in which they can be satisfied in their relationship with you. The addiction has warped their biochemistry and twisted their desires, it really has nothing to do with your beauty. Sex in real life is an authentically relational, emotional, and human experience between two people, which is incapable of happening with porn. Men and especially women have spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery and other treatments and interventions because they are made to feel inadequate by porn but the truth is, you as the partner of the porn addict have no competition, that’s not your problem. The problem is that the addict thinks feces is beautiful because of the internal warping they have experienced. Your partner can get help and see you for the stunning beauty that you are, but don’t compare yourself to the feces and feel inadequate, there is no comparison. Perfection is a myth created by a lack of understanding of porn addiction.


12. Myth of Ease

Why do men enjoy watching porn? Because it makes sex seem like it’s easy: women are always up for it, there’s no fear of rejection, foreplay isn’t necessary, and there’s something for every taste by just a click of a button. Again, this warps a person’s perception of what sex is like in real life and leads to unrealistic expectations of you and your partner. In the end, porn addiction is anything but easy. It’s a hellacious enslavement of the mind and body that causes toxic dysfunction in relationships. Its easy to access, but it makes your relationship harder, because your emotionally and physically disconnected from your partner. It leads to conflict, emotional and psychological distress, and eventually separation and divorce. All of which are way harder to deal with then emotionally connected, healthy sex.


13. Myth of Escape

For some people, porn becomes a way to escape reality by experiencing a short-lived high and feel good for a few moments. When addicts do this, they are trying to distract themselves from dealing with real life problems and traumas. Once the high wears off, the problems are still there and the addict feels more isolated and alone. As a means of avoidance, it is a lie, because it never deals with the cause or underlying issue and perpetuates the unhappiness of the porn addict. It is a myth because despite the attempts at avoiding, the addict is never able to actually escape their problems. Dealing with the source of avoidance, replacing unhealthy behaviors (such as watching porn) with healthy habits and seeking help, is far more fruitful for finding happiness and satisfaction in life.


14. Myth of Privacy

Using the Internet is not private. Browsing histories can be viewed, online payments can be retrieved and hackers can access pretty much anyone’s computer if they try. What you do online leaves a trace and can come back to haunt you, and this will not only affect your life but the life of your family. What you do in your private time can have a significant effect on the people around you as well as society as a whole. At some point, what you do in secret will be exposed.


15. There is no connection between porn and sexual slavery

In order to fight sexual slavery the root cause must be addressed, and that is demand. Porn objectifies women and glorifies child abuse (under the guise of ‘teen’ or ‘youth’ porn) and thereby generates callous attitudes and increases the demand for sex work. It also increases the instances of people being forced to produce porn against their will and to be blackmailed into doing things they do not want to do. Furthermore, boys and young men receive their sex education mostly through porn, which is violent and dehumanizing. The mistake people make is that they believe the actors in porn are always free and consenting. In actual fact, many women and children (and men) are forced into porn through drugs, alcohol, blackmail, abuse, fake documents, deceit and false promises and are essentially slaves. Pornhub for example, is in a lot of trouble, because they have had videos of child rape on their site, viewed millions of times. They also refused to verify the age of their users because it would limit their business. You need to know that when you engage in watching porn, you are supporting an industry built on lust (taking for myself at the expense of others); which does not care who gets hurt so long as it helps their bottom line.


16. Porn Celebrates Sex


Romantic Sexual Relationship
Porn Free Sex enhances relationship and intimacy

Sex is always about human relationship; and at its greatest potential, it facilitates and enhances the physical, emotional and spiritual bond between two people in an exclusive relationship. When you come into an exclusive sexual relationship with another person, without preconceived ideas about sex from the culture, you get to create and explore your sexual experience together; it enhances your relationship and brings lasting pleasure. Its good, creative, and beautiful. It is like the most beautiful delicious cake. But if one of you has a porn addiction, its like adding a tiny drop of arsenic to that beautiful cake. The cake still looks beautiful on the outside, but now its deadly poisonous. In the same way, porn is poisonous to that free innocent creative sexual relationship between two people. It corrupts the whole relationship and destroys it over time. It cannot celebrate sex because it destroys sex. The porn addict comes to see the equivalent of feces as beautiful and in that bio-chemical twisting of the addict’s mind, they are no longer able to see true beauty. Porn reduces humans to objects of lust. Sex builds people up in relationship. Porn tears people down and destroys and hurts them. Remember: Porn doesn’t celebrate sex, it destroys sex!


17. Porn Viewing is a selfless act (I don’t have to bother my partner)

Watching porn and masturbating to sexual images and videos is an isolating experience. What you do sexually affects your partner and your relationship. In order to engage in porn, you are withdrawing emotionally and physically from your partner. That is not selfless, that is selfish. And because porn destroys sex, the choice to engage in porn is also destructive to the relationship. It is filled with lust; which is the taking from others for ones own needs, without concern or regard for another’s wellbeing. By contrast, recovering from porn addiction, doing the relational work of engaging and emotionally connecting with your partner, engaging in real relational sex with your partner through emotional connection and foreplay is a selfless act. In giving to your partner you also receive and you both grow in intimacy and connection. If you are a porn addict, the most selfless thing you can do right now is to seek help and recover from your porn addiction.


There are many reasons to stop watching porn and to reconnect with healthy sex and real intimacy. Porn is detrimental to love, relationships and society as a whole; it generates hate towards women and encourages sex trafficking, it wreaks havoc in relationships and breaks up families. But, as with all addictions, porn takes away people’s ability to control their behavior and make rational decisions. Accepting this reality and seeking the help you need is the first step towards a fulfilled and healthy sexual relationship filled with romance, friendship, passion, fulfillment, and emotional connection!


Sources

https://fightthenewdrug.org/the-four-damaging-myths-of-porn/

https://www.gottman.com/blog/an-open-letter-on-porn/

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/want-to-stop-sex-traffick_b_6563338#:~:text=Pornography%20doesn't%20just%20cause,are%20also%20devastated%20by%20porn.


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